I wish I could explain the way I feel today. I truly think that I will look back on tomorrow, September 21, 2011, as the day that my life changed permanently--my watershed moment.
I know that when I am successful with this (see that? I typed "if" at first, but I erased it and typed "when"... that's huge!) I will not remember all the details so this blog is for me more than anyone else. If someone gets encouragement out of it, fantastic!, but if it becomes boring, please feel free to snark at me via the comments and then ease on down the cyber road.
I first watched the movie "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" on September 13th. I was initially intrigued by the juice fast, but thought it might have too many problems and issues to be of much use to me. Specifically, I am a protein metabolic type. (I do VERY well on Atkins if I don't cheat. Once I cheat, it's like pulling teeth to get me back on it.) I was afraid I would not be able to get enough protein with veggies. I also didn't think I would be able to afford either the juicer or the pallets of vegetables that seemed to be required for just one day's juices.
However, one or two nights later, I lay awake for an hour thinking, "Could I do this? Could I really do it?" The next night, these thoughts again swatted away sleep like mosquitos. I began to think about what it would mean if I succeeded. I visualized easily sliding into a restaurant booth without having to figure out if my skinny husband (who can eat a pan of brownies without gaining so much as an ounce! Ah, the injustice!) could pull the table his way so I'd have enough room. I saw myself on an airplane, fastening my seatbelt without the seat extender I purchased on eBay because I was too embarrassed to ask an attendant for one. I pictured what it would be like to walk into a clothing store (which store? I have no idea... I've been big so long I don't even understand fashion anymore [teal plastic bracelets are "in" now? really? but they're so ugly?], much less know what the current hotspots are) and try on clothes and like the way they looked. What would it be like to leave a dressing room without feeling like you might not make it to the car before the tears start?
After several days, inexplicably, a switch in my mind was flipped. I don't know how it happened, but it was switched. I could do this. I really could. I would do well on this juice plan. I had done enough research to understand how to do it without harming myself. You sure couldn't argue with the results of people who had done it. What did I have to lose? (other than about 200 pounds and this depressing cloak of fatigue and self-recrimination I've been carrying around my entire adult life.)
Tomorrow is the first day. I'm looking forward to it.
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